blog post no. I

I am excluded from many of the points of the article. Gay endured racism, bullying, and underrepresentation from an early age, which manifested into loneliness and the seeking of solace in a book series which she was in no way realistically connected to.

However, I did understand when Gay began speaking about the differences between the popular kids and herself, the tightrope she had to walk on from being Haitian-American; two very contrasting cultures. My mother is Hispanic, and made me ropa vieja instead of mac and cheese when I was upset. She cleaned the house to rhythm of Celia Cruz, sent me to school with a guava pastry instead of a cookie, and used Fabuloso to clean everything. The schools I went to were mostly white, and they didn’t understand when I would speak Spanish or share the Buena Vista Social Club album at show-and-tell. It made me abnormal, even though I looked just like them. From an early age, I understood that my home life was different than my classmates’. I became quiet about it for a while, trying not to mention anything about my culture or take part in other Latinx conversations because it made me different.

I got over that real quick though, because the less I allowed myself to be a part of my own culture, the more I wanted it and the more conflicted I felt. No decent thing came out of wanting to have that life that looked like a Hallmark special.

I still struggle with my Cuban side sometimes, not sure if I want to ignore it, take part when it’s convenient, or let it consume me entirely. But one of the wonderful things about being “American” is that I don’t have to choose. Media has tunnel vision, with television and books and music all focusing on that perfect American family with their privileged inconveniences, but it doesn’t mean I should have it as well. Choosing to see beyond the evasive Sweet Valley High phenomenon has made me more content with my world, and I can only hope that eventually everyone can be like Roxane Gay; laughing in the face at the very thing that seemed to dictate the way she lived her entire life, wise enough to fully understand that it’s all “garbage”.